There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
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