He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
