she looked like the bat from fern gully.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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