Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
