At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
