it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
