she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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