the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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