Soap is not a condiment
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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