Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
