dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
you never un-have a 4some
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
