Just mADE A PArabola og urine
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
