It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
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