i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
