I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
