yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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