The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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