Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
