You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
