9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
