If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
