Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize