if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That accounts for only three of the penises
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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