I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
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