i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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