Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
