if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
