There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
