Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
