is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Randomize
