Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Randomize
