i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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