Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
