why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
