it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
