My nipple is on Facebook.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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