I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize
