There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Randomize
