Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
She's the barista slut.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
