If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
