shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
