I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
