i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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