I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
