I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
You ruined the universe
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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