If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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