when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Randomize
