____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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