so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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