I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
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When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
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You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
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