i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
