I feel great
I just peed on a car
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
lets start a swedish sibling band together
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
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