you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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