Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
