dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Randomize
