Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
