he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
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