just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
