turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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