Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
