So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
