I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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